Ugh

[shadow_hive]

First fun from vulcan_girl
shadow_hive

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Ok, I had my first exam today, it went well I thought but that's not what this post is about. It's about something, or, more to the point someone.

School. Now I only have to go back a few days but it made me remember why I left in the first place. It was corroding me, destroying me, rotting me from deep inside and leaving me dead, hollow and empty. It's truly my hell, not so much bullies and people, but places and the memories they invoke. Place where I was with Sam (my ex-bf) or Gav (who I'll get to later). It just was killing me, if I hadn't gotten out when I did...

But onto Gavin. He was the first guy I was attracted to. Sure, after I became attracted to others but he was the first, the trigger. (the guys after him were Lee and Duncan) I felt what could be described as love for him, and when I found the courage to tell him how I felt he hated me for it. But I still pined for him. I still do.

But today he just pissed me off too much and I hit him. Twice accross the face, as hard as I could. And I scared him, I really did, the look in his eyes told me that.

I'll be glad not to see him again, or any of them really. They just infuriate me so, and are so pathetic and stupid and homophobic. I hope college is better.

Comments

[xforeverjadedx.livejournal.com]

i understand exactly how you feel. my best friend natalie made me realise that I liked girls about 2 years ago and when i told her how i felt, she didnt speak to me for months afterwards and we both became complete bitches around each other. i always think im over her but i loved her and thats hard to get over. so if its any help, i understand 100% how you feel :)

im happy for you that youve left school anyways-hope college is better :D :D

[shadow-hive.livejournal.com]

how come people always go like that? :(
Someday we'll find people who'll love us :D
Me too, yay college!

[vulcan-girl.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear you had a bad day, honey.

I'm sure college will be better, and if anyone says anything. Rest assured, broken noses will be earned :cracks knuckles:

[shadow-hive.livejournal.com]

Aww honey that's sweet! :-D