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shadow_hiveMercury
Pairing: Ian Watkins/Sean Smith
Rating: NC-17
POV: Sean
Warnings: Kink, autoerotic asphyxiation
Notes: Another one by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
clandestinemess. A note from the author: 'I know next to nothing about the BDSM industry, this is just my personal view on how someone might react in a situation. Probably got it all wrong but this is fiction, I don't actually think Sean Smith and Ian Watkins are having kinky sex, however much my mind wants it to be true. Also, I asked Stuie to do a fic with asphixiation, but decided to do one myself anyway, this being the result.'
I hummed to myself as I walked towards his house. He knew that I was coming over today just... not the time. I thought I may as well go in the afternoon when I knew I’d have the time rather than try fit it in in the evening when I wasn’t too sure what I was meant to be doing. It’s all irrelevant anyway. He’s never minded in the past, why would he mind now? What’s the worst he could be doing? Having a wank? Screwing some guy or girl? Wouldn’t be the first time I’d walked in on something like that.
The first time it had happened had been a little awkward for him. I wasn’t really fazed by it, sex is sex. Completely natural.
He’d stared at me with wide eyes, stopped moving all together and I’d rolled my own and left them to it, gone to make myself a drink in the kitchen. A few minutes later, I’d heard the front door go and he was suddenly there, stood in the doorway, jeans loose on his hips, topless, obviously still hard.
“You’re a fucking idiot, Watkins,” I laughed at him and he scowled, folding his arms over his chest. “I bet that was the first bit of action you’ve had since you went on tour. And you just kicked her out?” I blew on my mug of tea and took a sip. “Idiot.”
“You expect me to carry on fucking her while you’re stood in my kitchen drinking my tea?”
“Yes? I’m a big boy, I can look after myself for a few minutes,” I smirked and he glared.
“A few minutes?!” he exclaimed and I had to put my mug down before I doubled over laughing, sliding down to the floor and leaning back against his cupboards. “I hadn’t been in there long!”
“Exactly,” I teased, gaze flicking down to his crotch and back up again. “Just go take care of that... shouldn’t take you long,” his scowl darkened, his hands resting on his hips.
“By all rights, you should take care of it. You forced her to leave after all.”
“You...” I laughed. “You’re trying to get me to suck you off... by guilting me into it?” I gasped and he nodded his head once, decisive. “Not gonna work, Romeo,” I shook my head, grinning. “You kicked her out, I couldn’t give two fucks if you’d have stayed in there an extra hour. I’d have used your TV, stolen your Wifi... I’d have managed to keep myself entertained. You’re the one with the social hang-up. You can go take care of it yourself or just... walk around with a boner with the knowledge that you asked me for a blowjob, and I said no.” I smirked. “I mean, talk about awkward.”
He just growled and stalked out.
“Now don’t you be fantasising about my arse while you come!” I shouted, giggling at the sound of the bedroom door slamming.
I chuckled at the memory. He’d only been in his room ten minutes before he came back, blushing but no hard on.
I’d only caught him a few others times, the last being a few months earlier, that time he’d only been joined by his right hand so no one had to be kicked out at least. I’d stood leaning against the frame until he noticed me, waving when he did and grinning as he came a second later, hand movements stuttering, him staring at me with yet more wide eyes.
“Well, at least you came straight away this time,” I quickly closed the door, laughing when I heard the thump of a pillow hitting the other side. “I’ll stick the kettle on!” I called through the wood.
I let myself in his house with the key he’d given me for ‘anytime you wanna come over, just do it. I don’t care. And if I’m not home, as long as you don’t go rooting through my knickers, you can hang out whenever you want’. I thought it was mighty thoughtful and though I wanted to take advantage more often, I didn’t. I stuck my head in the lounge and kitchen, finding them empty before making my way two-at-a-time up the steps, listening for movement and hearing none.
I frowned a little. I’d thought he was home, his car was in the driveway. I checked his office, eyes widening when I saw his iPhone sitting on the desk. I moved to his bedroom door and knocked before pushing it open.
“Shit,” I breathed and his eyes flew open. He was kneeling in the middle of his bed completely naked, one hand on his dick, the other doing something with his arse – I could only imagine what... but that wasn’t what shocked me.
He had a belt strung around his neck, the free end was secured to the headboard spindles and he was leaning forward so the belt was taught and choking him.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” I snapped, stalking over to the bed and pushing him back, fingers working quickly to loosen the belt until I could unhook it completely.
The ability to breath seemed to snap him out of his shock and he struggled to get upright again, pulling the blankets around himself to maintain what little dignity he had left.
“What the fuck did you do that for?” he snarled but I just backhanded him hard across the face.
“Don’t you ever try something like that when you’re on your own,” I hissed. “Do you know how dangerous it is?” he stared at me, completely and utterly stunned. I untied the belt from the headboard and threw it across the room. “You’re not looking for new ways to get off anymore, your messing around with something that could kill you.” I curled my hands into fists and saw him flinch before I just left the room, slamming the door behind me. I descended the stairs and left the house completely, wondering all the while how one of the smartest people I knew could be so completely and utterly fucking stupid!
I was at the end of the road when I heard my name being called, but I didn’t stop. I saw the bus I was to catch turning the corner and jogged the remaining few metres, sticking my hand out.
“Thought you went to Ian’s,” Jay said when I walked into our shared house half an hour later.
“If he calls, texts, comes here... tell him to go away. Slam the door in his face or what the fuck ever. I do not want to see him.”
“Bro, you ok?” he called when I moved from the room into the hallway, walking up the stairs towards my bedroom. I ignored him and flung myself onto the bed face down. “Hey,” I turned my head and looked up towards the door. Jay stood leaning against the frame and had a concerned look on his face. “What happened?” I shifted until I was curled up, watching him walk over and sit down beside where my head was, waiting for me to move my head to his lap before he started stroking my hair.
“He drives me insane,” I sighed and heard Jay laugh a little.
“He’s Ian fucking Watkins. I think it’s in his job description to drive the world insane. You’re just the last one to realise it.” I pouted, looking up at him and he squeezed the back of my neck. “Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll work through it.” I closed my eyes and sighed again.
~
I heard my doorbell sound and stiffened. Jay was out with Rhys and James, I’d begged off. I’d not been feeling too sociable since I’d left Ian’s house almost two weeks ago. He’d called countless times, sent a fuckton of messages, had even been over to the flat once until Jay had told him under no uncertain terms that if he didn’t stop, he’d break into my laptop and find every single compromising picture of him that I had (and I had a few) and he’d post them online. Ian called his bluff, saying I’d never let him do it, and he’s right, I wouldn’t. Not for the world, but Jay just laughed, asking him what made him think I’d know about it until it was too late – before closing the door.
I walked slowly towards the door and peered through the spy, groaning when I saw Lee and Stu stood there.
“We heard you groan, Seany boy,” Stu’s voice penetrated the wood and I scowled at it.
“Ian isn’t here, Sean,” Lee said. “We promise,” I hesitated before unlocking the door and pulling it open.
“You look like shit, boyo,” Stu grinned, walking inside, stumbling when Lee shoved at him from behind.
“Fuck you,” I muttered, closing the door quickly behind Lee and locking it again.
“Come on, make me a decent drink would you? Ian only has tea and I know Jay has a stash of exotic shit around here somewhere,” Lee patted me on the shoulder and we made our way into the kitchen where Stu was already opening and closing cupboards, looking for the coffee in question.
“Sit down,” I said, glaring at him and he grinned at me, taking a seat at the breakfast bar next to Lee. I stuck the coffee maker on and reached around behind the microwave to get some of Jay’s stash. Once that was sorted, I put the kettle on to make myself a cup of tea.
“So,” Lee started when I turned around to face them, leaning against the worktop. “He kinda told us what happened...” I snorted.
“How long did you torture him before he gave it up?” Stu smirked.
“Not long,” he promised. “We’ve got blackmail material going back 10 years.”
“He wouldn’t give this up for blackmail material...”
“You’re right, obviously,” Lee rolled his eyes. “Stu wanted to beat him into submission, we decided he might like that too much,” I smiled, shaking my head and finishing off the drinks, handing them over. I then jumped up onto the worktop curling my hands around my own cup. “We figured it had something to do with you when we suggested asking you to come over to get the information for us... he withdrew even more.”
“You two should be detectives,” I saluted them, making them laugh. “You don’t know anything, do you?”
“We do,” Lee assured me. “We know he thinks your friendship is over and he’s kinda devastated about it.”
“We figured you walked in on him... again...” Stu continued and I rolled my eyes.
“How many times do I have to say it? I don’t care about him fucking someone while I wait in his kitchen. He’s the one with the hang-ups, not me.”
“That’s kinda fucked up, Sean,” Stu pointed out.
“No, it’s me not being awkward about an accidental situation. I honestly don’t care.”
“If you don’t care... what changed this time?”
“If he didn’t tell you, I’m not telling you.”
“See, we’ve got no hang-ups about beating you into submission,” Lee grinned and I rolled my eyes.
“I’m terrified,” I said, deadpan, sipping my tea while they laughed. “I got pissed off at him, ok? I got pissed, I hit him, I left.”
“We got that much from the bruise on his face.”
“If he had a bruise, it would’ve left within a day or so. I hit him over a week ago.”
“Yeah, we’ve been trying to get Jay out of the house long enough to talk to you without him telling us to go fuck ourselves,” Lee shrugged, not very apologetic. I wasn’t surprised by their actions. Jay was very protective to say he was my younger brother.
“You only get pissed off when somethings happens to Jay, your friends... or when someone or something threatens you, Jay, your friends, and to quote Gavin, ‘his world view.’ Not that I know what he was talking about when he said that but whatever.”
“You talked to Gavin about me?” I asked, surprised.
“Well you weren’t talking to us, Jay certainly wasn’t, the only thing Ian said was... well, he told us to tell you he was sorry... didn’t give an explanation.” Stu said. “Gav was our only option. He got Rhys and Bob to take Jay out too.”
“Sneaky Welsh bastards,” I chuckled, shaking my head.
“Tell us what happened, Sean,” Lee sighed.
“I did walk in on him,” I said. “But he was alone.”
“You walked in on him having a wank? And you hit him for it?” Stu tone held disbelief and I glared at him.
“I’m telling you aren’t I? Shut the fuck up and listen to me.” He held his hands up and closed his mouth. “What do you know about the BDSM scene?” I asked and their eyes widened.
“Not much,” Lee said. “I mean, we know you’re heavy into it,” I nodded. “Beyond that,” he shook his head.
“Was he doing something he shouldn’t have been? Are you two...” Stu trailed off, unable to finish his question.
“We’re not fucking, or having any sexual relationship at all. But he was doing something he shouldn’t have been. If I wasn’t as into the scene as I am, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, but I am, and we have rules and guidelines for a reason. Not just for playing, but to keep a person safe. Ian just...” I shook my head and clenched my hands into fists before flexing my fingers.
“Does what he does best? Walks all over them with his ‘fuck you’ attitude?” I nodded.
“He was playing with a form of autoerotic asphyxiation,” I said and again, their eyes widened. “He just wanted to get off... probably had a plug up his arse too, I don’t know, but he was alone. He’d left his phone in his office and had basically started choking himself.” I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut. “He can’t... you can’t be fucking blasé about shit like that! He’s cutting off oxygen to his brain, cutting off his air supply... he could fucking die! What if he took himself too far without realising it and passed out, still leaning on the belt? He’d be dead within minutes and no one would be any the wiser.”
“Shit,” Stu breathed.
“I can see why you got pissed off,” Lee murmured quietly.
“Don’t...” I sighed. “Don’t go confronting him about this. I’m gonna talk to him eventually. Just gotta start being able to look at him without wanting to slap him again.” Lee snorted.
“Do it anyway,” he said and I blinked at him.
“What?”
“He wants to experience it? Teach him. Treat him how you would treat someone you... I don’t know… were training? I don’t know the words or whatever.” I was nodding despite how unsure his wording was. “He obviously needs the guidance. Maybe this way you won’t get too angry with him,” he shrugged and I started to frown.
“I’m not... it isn’t as black and white as simply teaching him tricks of the trade,” I said. “Once I start something like that I get into a certain frame of mind. It’s hard to explain but I wouldn’t...” I tried to find the right words. “I wouldn’t – couldn’t be Ian’s friend in this.”
“You’d be what? Like his Master or something?” Stu asked, pink colouring his cheeks slightly and I smiled a little.
“He wouldn’t call me master, but that’s essentially it.”
“Is he submissive though?” Lee asked and I smiled more.
“You’d be surprised how easily and readily the most dominant people around you publicly can and do switch to submissive roles. To take away the pressure they live with day in, day out... to give up the control they have, the list of reasons is endless.” We sat in silence for a minute, thoughts running around all our heads until I cleared my throat. “There’s also the matter of... Ian and I have never fucked. At all. We’ve never gone passed the odd little public kiss for the cameras.”
“Are you serious?” Stu asked, totally and utterly shocked, but Lee was smirking. “Fuck,” he muttered when I nodded. “I was so fucking sure you two were doing something.” I laughed at him.
“You made a bet with Lee? And bet against him?”
“They all did,” Lee’s grin was smug. “You two had gone... somewhere. We didn’t know where but we got talking and Jamie said he bet £10 that you two were fucking. I disagreed... so everyone was like ok, we’ll all put £50 up and if it turned out you were fucking, they’d get £50 from me, if you weren’t, I’d get £50 from them.”
“We were so sure of it,” Stu shook his head, wiping a hand over his face. “We said that if Lee won, we’d each give him £50.” I burst out laughing.
“You can buy me dinner with the £200 you just earned yourself, Lee,” he sipped his coffee, smirking, pocketing the £50 Stu handed over.
~
There was a knock at the door and I looked up at Jay, who was shrugging on his hoodie.
“You sure you’re good?” he asked me for the tenth time and I nodded, smiling. “I can stay if you want some help...”
“I’m good. He’ll behave, trust me.”
“It isn’t you I don’t trust...” I saw him shake his head and sigh. “Just... text if you need me ok? I’m only around at Matt’s place...”
“I know. Thanks... go have fun.” He gave me another look and nodded, turning to open the door.
“I know, ok?” I heard Ian sigh.
“You know nothing. Get in there and listen to every little thing he has to say to you.” The door closed and I waited for him to come into view. When he finally did, I noted that he looked as carefully maintained as ever, but I could see the slight lines, bloodshot eyes... he’d not been sleeping well it seemed. It was nothing I didn’t know already, Lee and Stu had told me earlier but to see it... I wondered just how much our friendship actually meant to Ian. I mean, it did mean a lot to me, the only reason I managed to stay away from him through all mode of communication during the last two weeks was because I was so angry at him. Maybe I meant more to him than I originally thought.
That was a conversation for another time though.
“Sit,” I said, nodding towards the sofa, my hands clasped together in front of my chin, elbows resting on the arms of the chair I was in. I watched him move slowly until he was sitting and tapped my clasped hands against my chin, silent and observing him closely. “I can’t imagine you’re very comfortable right now...” he shook his head, agreeing and I nodded. “You understand what you did, right?” he nodded. “I should just send you to a professional,” I muttered. “Keep myself out of it completely.”
“No,” Ian’s voice was quiet, but firm and I raised an eyebrow. He ducked his head, covering the action by rubbing at his eyes. “I... I don’t want anyone I don’t know or trust.”
“If you cross that line with me, our friendship will change.” He sighed.
“It already has.” We were silent for another long moment before I nodded.
“Ok. First of all, safe word and emergency action if you are unable to talk.” Ian stared at me, confused. “I’m not moving an inch until I get both. Now think hard.”
“I... Mercury.” I nodded and he licked his lips, frowning in thought and reached into his pocket, pulling out a bunch of keys. “I can keep a hold, drop them if it gets too much?”
“Good,” I said. “Now strip, fold your clothes up, put your socks with the clothes, your shoes in the hall.” His eyes widened while mine narrowed but he didn’t argue. He might have been a little hesitant, but he didn’t argue and within a few minutes, he was stood naked in my living room. I chose that moment to stand up and cross the distance between us, entering his personal space, barely leaving an inch between us. “Rings and necklaces on the table.” He followed the instruction quickly and moved back to his position in front of me. Without preamble, I reached out and grasped his dick at the base, hard and watched him flinch. “If you ever try anything like that on your own again, I’ll not only tear you to fucking shreds, but afterwards, I’ll walk away and the only contact you’ll have with me will be through the music. Understood?” I saw his eyes widen in a mixture of fear, surprise and horror as he realised that I was deadly serious.
“Yes,” he gasped. “Please,” he whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut and I let him go, cocking my head to the side.
“What?” I asked, curious, watching a blush work its way onto his cheeks.
“I’ll... I’ll do anything you want just,” his eyes opened and the raw feeling I saw there made my own eyes widen in shock. “You can’t leave me...”
“Hey,” I said softly, bringing my hand up to cup his cheek. “Calm down, ok? Take a deep breath and calm down.” I waited until he was breathing normally again.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, flushing and I shook my head.
“You ok now?” I asked. He nodded and I took my hand away, taking a step back. “Pick up your clothes, keys and phone and go up to my bedroom. Put the clothes and the phone on the dresser, keep the keys and kneel by the side of the bed facing it.” He gave me an uncertain look but quickly got moving when I raised an eyebrow. I waited until I heard my bedroom door open before taking a shuddering breath, running my hands over my face.
“Can you do this?” I turned around and stared at Lee, who was leaning against the door that led through to the kitchen where he’d been waiting.
“I shouldn’t be doing this,” I said honestly. “I’m way too emotionally involved,” I shook my head.
“But can you do this? For him?” he repeated.
“I can do it,” I assured him. “I need to do it... for both of us.”
“You know he-”
“Don’t,” I glared at him. “I need to keep my head clear for this. If I think about...” I shook my head again. “I can’t think about anything else, ok?”
“Ok,” Lee nodded carefully. “Do you want me to stay?”
“No, you’ll only want to come rushing in when he starts screaming.”
“Thought the aim was to make it so he can’t breathe... can’t breathe, can’t scream.”
“There’s a process,” I said. “Punishment first, what he wants later. No point giving him what he wants, and then punishing him. It doesn’t make sense and he’ll only get confused.”
“Alright then. I’m gonna nip into Matt’s for a while, talk to the guys before heading home. Just text if you need something... or need to know something.” I nodded and he left, closing the door as quietly as he possibly could. I grabbed a couple of bottles of water from the fridge in the kitchen before going up to the bedroom and finding him exactly where I told him to be.
“Did you hear?” I asked and he stiffened.
“Heard voices,” he admitted. I nodded, setting the bottles on the bedside table and sat down on the bed.
“Lee was here,” I saw his eyes flicker up, shock and confusion written all over his face. “If it wasn’t for him and Stu, you wouldn’t be here right now, Jay would be home and we’d be watching a movie or something. So next time you see them, thank them for convincing me to do this.” He nodded. I reached down to run my fingers over his cheeks. “Up,” when he was up, I pulled a cover from the bed, revealing a riding crop, a cane, a paddle and a flogger. I watched his face as he registered each item and saw fear spark, arousal following closely. His hands clenched into fists before relaxing again. “First of all, punishment. Stroke yourself hard.” He blushed heavily but nodded, biting his lip and taking his dick in hand, stroking firmly, teasing the head briefly and going back to the strokes until he was fully hard.
I waited for him to stop on his own and obediently, he stopped as soon as he felt he was hard. A stroke or two after I had. I pulled a length of black ribbon from my bedside drawer and gestured for him to stand in front of me. He moved and I made short work of binding his dick and balls, ignoring the whimpers he was emitting . When I was done, I let the two ends fall and leaned back on my elbows, looking up at him. “Pick one,” I gestured to the selection I’d uncovered. He licked his lips, looking at each of them closely.
“Which would you choose?” he asked and I smirked, keeping silent. He sighed, turning back to them and picking up the paddle. He slapped it a few times against the skin of his thigh, wincing a little before nodding and handing it to me.
“They always choose the paddle,” I chuckled. “It’s so unassuming.” He shot me a worried look but I was already covering up the other three again. “Brace yourself against the bedstead and spread your legs. The walls are soundproofed in here so feel free to make a bit of noise.” I got up and walked around behind him.
“Would you like me to count out loud?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” I answered, running the smooth side of the paddle against his arse, smiling at the shudder that worked through him at the touch.
The first hit was barely hard enough to sting, and he only started a little, more at the shock of it than anything else I guessed. But he started the count. The next four were quick, alternating between both cheeks. The count reached 10 and I ran my hand over the warmed flesh, gripping lightly and releasing.
“Tell me what you did wrong,” I said and he gasped, counting ‘eleven’ when I hit again. We reached 13 before he started talking.
“I tried to experiment – fourteen –” he gasped. “Fifteen! I tried to experiment with something I didn’t – sixteen! – understand completely.” I waited as he breathed hard, not quite panting. “I left my phone where I couldn’t reach it –seventeen! – ” he ground the number out between clenched teeth. That hit had been particularly hard, a 6 on my strength scale, where I’d only been hitting with 3’s and 4’s before. His comment had made me lash out. “I wrapped a belt – eighteen! – around my neck, tied the other end to the bed and –nineteen! – leaned forward until it pulled and started to restrict my breathing – Twenty! – Fuck!” he gasped. I noticed his arse was a lovely shade of red at that moment, and it had to be hurting.
“Had enough?” I asked and he shook his head desperately. “Carry on,” I turned the paddle over, running the flat surface over his abused cheek, smirking when he cried out.
“Oh God,” he moaned. “I...” I caught a flash of tongue as he licked his dry lips. “I did it all without telling-FUCK!” he shouted as I brought the rougher side of the paddle down at about a 7 on my scale.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Twenty-one,” he sobbed and I nodded. “Without telling anyone I was even interested in trying anything like that. Jesus- Twenty-two! I didn’t have anyone with me in case I blacked out – Twenty-three! – I risked my own life – Twenty-Four!! – And by association, I risked my band. –Twenty-Five!! – I failed to take into consideration anything but what I wanted to feel. – Twenty-Six Twenty-Seven Twenty-Eight Twenty-Nine! FuckFuckFUCK!” He cried out and I raised my arm for one last blow, ignoring the tears I felt running down my own face. I saw his shoulder shaking, a thin sheen of sweat glistening in the low light of the bedroom, his cheeks red raw, and brought it down one final time, maxing out at a 9 on my scale at what I thought was the highest he could handle.
He screamed out ‘Thirty’ and started openly sobbing, apologising over and over again. “Stay there. Move and I’ll give you twenty more,” I growled in his ear and left the room, making my way quickly to the bathroom and closing the door behind me. I pointedly didn’t look at myself in the mirror as I splashed water over my face. I stood with my back against the wash basin, a towel to my face for a full two minutes before I could bring myself to move. I glanced at myself in the mirror, scowling at the redness around my eyes.
Thank fuck for low lighting.
I walked back through to the bedroom, nodding when I saw he hadn’t moved at all but he was shaking like a leaf. “Kneel down,” I said quietly and he practically collapsed. I opened one of the bottles of water and handed it to him, only to take it away again when he couldn’t hold it steady. I brought it to his lips and tipped it so he could drink. He tipped his head back when he’d had enough and I took the water away, setting it back on the bedside table and picking up my own. His little germophobe hang-ups creeping up unconsciously. I took a long drink of mine and sat down by the bedstead, cross-legged and looked down at him.
“You scared the life outta me,” I confessed and he blinked blearily up at me, still shaking.
“Wh...” he tried to talk but I shook my head.
“When I walked in and saw you like that I...” I pushed the heels of my palms into my eyes in frustration – or desperation, I wasn’t sure. “I’ve heard so many horror stories floating about the scene... pets that haven’t been able to wait, so they try it themselves, people who get a taste and don’t know their own limits, thrill-seekers who want the danger, but are too embarrassed to ask anyone for help... they all get lost in the feeling. If done right, it can be the most intense feeling in the world, but you need to know your limits, and you need to be with someone you trust enough to know when you’ve gone too far. After hearing how people have died in the past, and seeing you like that... something just snapped,” he was staring up at me with wide eyes, his hair sticking to his forehead with sweat.
“I had,” he tried, licked his lips and started again. “I had no idea you felt so strongly about this kind of thing,” he admitted. “I mean, sure, I’ve heard you mouthing off in interviews, the guys joking around but I never thought you were actually that much into it all...”
“I guess I can see how you might think that,” I shrugged.
“I’m sorry it scared you,” he said, eyes downcast. He shifted and I glanced down, unable to stop the smirk that fell to my lips when I saw he was still as hard, if not harder than he’d been at the start.
“Would you like to come?” I asked, my expression schooled when he snapped his head up, slight desperation building.
“Please,” he whispered.
“Up,” I said, moving to stand up and transferring everything that was on the bed across the room and into the large chest just beneath the window. I turned back and saw him holding onto the bed for support with one hand. I pulled a silk scarf out of the chest before closing it and opening the scarf out to lay on the bed. “Lie down on this,” I instructed and watched as he made his way around and crawled onto the bed, whimpering when his arse came into contact with the cool fabric. I climbed up and straddles his chest fully clothed, shifting back until I felt the end of hid dick prodding my jeans. He winced at the pressure but didn’t look like he wanted me to move at all. “What is it exactly you wanted to try?” I asked. “The air deprivation,” I moved a hand to cover his mouth and pinch his nose at the same time. I left it there until he shifted his jaw, moving it away and smiling at the deep, panicked breaths he took. “Or the actual feeling of being choked, combined with the air deprivation?” I pressed my hand down against his throat, moving closer so I could hear when breathing had stopped completely.
Once again, I left the hand in place until I felt him twitch and eased up slowly and deliberately.
“The choking,” he rasped and I nodded.
“Lick your hand, it’s the only lube you’ll get that doesn’t come from your dick.” I watched him lick it thoroughly and wait for further instruction. “Do you need a diagram to illustrate how to wank?” I smirked and he flushed, moving his hand under my thigh and down towards his dick. I glanced back and saw him start stroking. “Keep going,” I said, reaching over into my drawer to pull out a pair of cuffs. I cuffed his free hand to the spindles in the bedposts and made sure he had his keys secure.
“If you come before I tell you to, you won’t come for a week, go it?” I asked and he nodded, biting his lip. I moved so I was sat beside him on the bed. “You pretty close?” he nodded again. “I guess we’ll have to play properly another time,” I noticed his shocked look before I looked down his body, watching his hand moving at a quick pace. I rested my right hand against his throat while my left reached down to tug at the ribbon that’d been left over. The knots I’d made fell away and he froze. I started applying pressure to his throat, unwinding the ribbon carefully. Once the ribbon was all gone, his breathing was cut off and I looked straight into his eyes. “Carry on,” I grinned, watching as he slowly started to move again, shuddering. “Countdown from ten,” I said. “Mouth the numbers, it’s fine.”
He gave me a confused look but complied.
10 – his hand started to build up pace.
9 – I saw drops of precome leaking from the tip of his dick, his hand capturing it, using it.
8 – I felt my own dick begging for attention but ignored it with practised ease.
7 – 6 – 5 – his eyes started to glaze, head shaking from side to side and tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
4 – 3 – 2 – I took a hold of his dick, pushing his hand out of the way and stroked him hard.
1 – “Come,” I whispered and released his neck watching as his back arched up off the bed, eyes squeeze shut, mouth open in silent scream and felt him pulse in my hand. The sticky liquid spurted over his guns and I decided right then that I’d never before seen a more beautiful sight in my entire fucking life. He sobbed and I stroked until he was a tangled, sticky mess of twitching muscles and smiled when the last drop barely made it out the hole. I rubbed my thumb over it and brought it to my lips, holding in a groan at the taste.
“Shit,” I muttered, letting my head drop to his thigh as I felt my own orgasm tear through me like a riptide. It took me by surprise and I clung to his leg for some sense of stability until I stopped shuddering.
“Did you just...” he croaked and I pinched his thigh.
“What happens in here, stays in here, got it?” he nodded, grinning.
“Fuck,” he breathed. I reached up to unlock the cuffs and his arm dropped down to rest on my thigh. “Thank you,” he blushed.
“This is just the beginning, love,” I grinned as he laughed breathlessly.
“I can’t fucking wait.”
Pairing: Ian Watkins/Sean Smith
Rating: NC-17
POV: Sean
Warnings: Kink, autoerotic asphyxiation
Notes: Another one by
clandestinemess. A note from the author: 'I know next to nothing about the BDSM industry, this is just my personal view on how someone might react in a situation. Probably got it all wrong but this is fiction, I don't actually think Sean Smith and Ian Watkins are having kinky sex, however much my mind wants it to be true. Also, I asked Stuie to do a fic with asphixiation, but decided to do one myself anyway, this being the result.'I hummed to myself as I walked towards his house. He knew that I was coming over today just... not the time. I thought I may as well go in the afternoon when I knew I’d have the time rather than try fit it in in the evening when I wasn’t too sure what I was meant to be doing. It’s all irrelevant anyway. He’s never minded in the past, why would he mind now? What’s the worst he could be doing? Having a wank? Screwing some guy or girl? Wouldn’t be the first time I’d walked in on something like that.
The first time it had happened had been a little awkward for him. I wasn’t really fazed by it, sex is sex. Completely natural.
He’d stared at me with wide eyes, stopped moving all together and I’d rolled my own and left them to it, gone to make myself a drink in the kitchen. A few minutes later, I’d heard the front door go and he was suddenly there, stood in the doorway, jeans loose on his hips, topless, obviously still hard.
“You’re a fucking idiot, Watkins,” I laughed at him and he scowled, folding his arms over his chest. “I bet that was the first bit of action you’ve had since you went on tour. And you just kicked her out?” I blew on my mug of tea and took a sip. “Idiot.”
“You expect me to carry on fucking her while you’re stood in my kitchen drinking my tea?”
“Yes? I’m a big boy, I can look after myself for a few minutes,” I smirked and he glared.
“A few minutes?!” he exclaimed and I had to put my mug down before I doubled over laughing, sliding down to the floor and leaning back against his cupboards. “I hadn’t been in there long!”
“Exactly,” I teased, gaze flicking down to his crotch and back up again. “Just go take care of that... shouldn’t take you long,” his scowl darkened, his hands resting on his hips.
“By all rights, you should take care of it. You forced her to leave after all.”
“You...” I laughed. “You’re trying to get me to suck you off... by guilting me into it?” I gasped and he nodded his head once, decisive. “Not gonna work, Romeo,” I shook my head, grinning. “You kicked her out, I couldn’t give two fucks if you’d have stayed in there an extra hour. I’d have used your TV, stolen your Wifi... I’d have managed to keep myself entertained. You’re the one with the social hang-up. You can go take care of it yourself or just... walk around with a boner with the knowledge that you asked me for a blowjob, and I said no.” I smirked. “I mean, talk about awkward.”
He just growled and stalked out.
“Now don’t you be fantasising about my arse while you come!” I shouted, giggling at the sound of the bedroom door slamming.
I chuckled at the memory. He’d only been in his room ten minutes before he came back, blushing but no hard on.
I’d only caught him a few others times, the last being a few months earlier, that time he’d only been joined by his right hand so no one had to be kicked out at least. I’d stood leaning against the frame until he noticed me, waving when he did and grinning as he came a second later, hand movements stuttering, him staring at me with yet more wide eyes.
“Well, at least you came straight away this time,” I quickly closed the door, laughing when I heard the thump of a pillow hitting the other side. “I’ll stick the kettle on!” I called through the wood.
I let myself in his house with the key he’d given me for ‘anytime you wanna come over, just do it. I don’t care. And if I’m not home, as long as you don’t go rooting through my knickers, you can hang out whenever you want’. I thought it was mighty thoughtful and though I wanted to take advantage more often, I didn’t. I stuck my head in the lounge and kitchen, finding them empty before making my way two-at-a-time up the steps, listening for movement and hearing none.
I frowned a little. I’d thought he was home, his car was in the driveway. I checked his office, eyes widening when I saw his iPhone sitting on the desk. I moved to his bedroom door and knocked before pushing it open.
“Shit,” I breathed and his eyes flew open. He was kneeling in the middle of his bed completely naked, one hand on his dick, the other doing something with his arse – I could only imagine what... but that wasn’t what shocked me.
He had a belt strung around his neck, the free end was secured to the headboard spindles and he was leaning forward so the belt was taught and choking him.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” I snapped, stalking over to the bed and pushing him back, fingers working quickly to loosen the belt until I could unhook it completely.
The ability to breath seemed to snap him out of his shock and he struggled to get upright again, pulling the blankets around himself to maintain what little dignity he had left.
“What the fuck did you do that for?” he snarled but I just backhanded him hard across the face.
“Don’t you ever try something like that when you’re on your own,” I hissed. “Do you know how dangerous it is?” he stared at me, completely and utterly stunned. I untied the belt from the headboard and threw it across the room. “You’re not looking for new ways to get off anymore, your messing around with something that could kill you.” I curled my hands into fists and saw him flinch before I just left the room, slamming the door behind me. I descended the stairs and left the house completely, wondering all the while how one of the smartest people I knew could be so completely and utterly fucking stupid!
I was at the end of the road when I heard my name being called, but I didn’t stop. I saw the bus I was to catch turning the corner and jogged the remaining few metres, sticking my hand out.
“Thought you went to Ian’s,” Jay said when I walked into our shared house half an hour later.
“If he calls, texts, comes here... tell him to go away. Slam the door in his face or what the fuck ever. I do not want to see him.”
“Bro, you ok?” he called when I moved from the room into the hallway, walking up the stairs towards my bedroom. I ignored him and flung myself onto the bed face down. “Hey,” I turned my head and looked up towards the door. Jay stood leaning against the frame and had a concerned look on his face. “What happened?” I shifted until I was curled up, watching him walk over and sit down beside where my head was, waiting for me to move my head to his lap before he started stroking my hair.
“He drives me insane,” I sighed and heard Jay laugh a little.
“He’s Ian fucking Watkins. I think it’s in his job description to drive the world insane. You’re just the last one to realise it.” I pouted, looking up at him and he squeezed the back of my neck. “Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll work through it.” I closed my eyes and sighed again.
~
I heard my doorbell sound and stiffened. Jay was out with Rhys and James, I’d begged off. I’d not been feeling too sociable since I’d left Ian’s house almost two weeks ago. He’d called countless times, sent a fuckton of messages, had even been over to the flat once until Jay had told him under no uncertain terms that if he didn’t stop, he’d break into my laptop and find every single compromising picture of him that I had (and I had a few) and he’d post them online. Ian called his bluff, saying I’d never let him do it, and he’s right, I wouldn’t. Not for the world, but Jay just laughed, asking him what made him think I’d know about it until it was too late – before closing the door.
I walked slowly towards the door and peered through the spy, groaning when I saw Lee and Stu stood there.
“We heard you groan, Seany boy,” Stu’s voice penetrated the wood and I scowled at it.
“Ian isn’t here, Sean,” Lee said. “We promise,” I hesitated before unlocking the door and pulling it open.
“You look like shit, boyo,” Stu grinned, walking inside, stumbling when Lee shoved at him from behind.
“Fuck you,” I muttered, closing the door quickly behind Lee and locking it again.
“Come on, make me a decent drink would you? Ian only has tea and I know Jay has a stash of exotic shit around here somewhere,” Lee patted me on the shoulder and we made our way into the kitchen where Stu was already opening and closing cupboards, looking for the coffee in question.
“Sit down,” I said, glaring at him and he grinned at me, taking a seat at the breakfast bar next to Lee. I stuck the coffee maker on and reached around behind the microwave to get some of Jay’s stash. Once that was sorted, I put the kettle on to make myself a cup of tea.
“So,” Lee started when I turned around to face them, leaning against the worktop. “He kinda told us what happened...” I snorted.
“How long did you torture him before he gave it up?” Stu smirked.
“Not long,” he promised. “We’ve got blackmail material going back 10 years.”
“He wouldn’t give this up for blackmail material...”
“You’re right, obviously,” Lee rolled his eyes. “Stu wanted to beat him into submission, we decided he might like that too much,” I smiled, shaking my head and finishing off the drinks, handing them over. I then jumped up onto the worktop curling my hands around my own cup. “We figured it had something to do with you when we suggested asking you to come over to get the information for us... he withdrew even more.”
“You two should be detectives,” I saluted them, making them laugh. “You don’t know anything, do you?”
“We do,” Lee assured me. “We know he thinks your friendship is over and he’s kinda devastated about it.”
“We figured you walked in on him... again...” Stu continued and I rolled my eyes.
“How many times do I have to say it? I don’t care about him fucking someone while I wait in his kitchen. He’s the one with the hang-ups, not me.”
“That’s kinda fucked up, Sean,” Stu pointed out.
“No, it’s me not being awkward about an accidental situation. I honestly don’t care.”
“If you don’t care... what changed this time?”
“If he didn’t tell you, I’m not telling you.”
“See, we’ve got no hang-ups about beating you into submission,” Lee grinned and I rolled my eyes.
“I’m terrified,” I said, deadpan, sipping my tea while they laughed. “I got pissed off at him, ok? I got pissed, I hit him, I left.”
“We got that much from the bruise on his face.”
“If he had a bruise, it would’ve left within a day or so. I hit him over a week ago.”
“Yeah, we’ve been trying to get Jay out of the house long enough to talk to you without him telling us to go fuck ourselves,” Lee shrugged, not very apologetic. I wasn’t surprised by their actions. Jay was very protective to say he was my younger brother.
“You only get pissed off when somethings happens to Jay, your friends... or when someone or something threatens you, Jay, your friends, and to quote Gavin, ‘his world view.’ Not that I know what he was talking about when he said that but whatever.”
“You talked to Gavin about me?” I asked, surprised.
“Well you weren’t talking to us, Jay certainly wasn’t, the only thing Ian said was... well, he told us to tell you he was sorry... didn’t give an explanation.” Stu said. “Gav was our only option. He got Rhys and Bob to take Jay out too.”
“Sneaky Welsh bastards,” I chuckled, shaking my head.
“Tell us what happened, Sean,” Lee sighed.
“I did walk in on him,” I said. “But he was alone.”
“You walked in on him having a wank? And you hit him for it?” Stu tone held disbelief and I glared at him.
“I’m telling you aren’t I? Shut the fuck up and listen to me.” He held his hands up and closed his mouth. “What do you know about the BDSM scene?” I asked and their eyes widened.
“Not much,” Lee said. “I mean, we know you’re heavy into it,” I nodded. “Beyond that,” he shook his head.
“Was he doing something he shouldn’t have been? Are you two...” Stu trailed off, unable to finish his question.
“We’re not fucking, or having any sexual relationship at all. But he was doing something he shouldn’t have been. If I wasn’t as into the scene as I am, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, but I am, and we have rules and guidelines for a reason. Not just for playing, but to keep a person safe. Ian just...” I shook my head and clenched my hands into fists before flexing my fingers.
“Does what he does best? Walks all over them with his ‘fuck you’ attitude?” I nodded.
“He was playing with a form of autoerotic asphyxiation,” I said and again, their eyes widened. “He just wanted to get off... probably had a plug up his arse too, I don’t know, but he was alone. He’d left his phone in his office and had basically started choking himself.” I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut. “He can’t... you can’t be fucking blasé about shit like that! He’s cutting off oxygen to his brain, cutting off his air supply... he could fucking die! What if he took himself too far without realising it and passed out, still leaning on the belt? He’d be dead within minutes and no one would be any the wiser.”
“Shit,” Stu breathed.
“I can see why you got pissed off,” Lee murmured quietly.
“Don’t...” I sighed. “Don’t go confronting him about this. I’m gonna talk to him eventually. Just gotta start being able to look at him without wanting to slap him again.” Lee snorted.
“Do it anyway,” he said and I blinked at him.
“What?”
“He wants to experience it? Teach him. Treat him how you would treat someone you... I don’t know… were training? I don’t know the words or whatever.” I was nodding despite how unsure his wording was. “He obviously needs the guidance. Maybe this way you won’t get too angry with him,” he shrugged and I started to frown.
“I’m not... it isn’t as black and white as simply teaching him tricks of the trade,” I said. “Once I start something like that I get into a certain frame of mind. It’s hard to explain but I wouldn’t...” I tried to find the right words. “I wouldn’t – couldn’t be Ian’s friend in this.”
“You’d be what? Like his Master or something?” Stu asked, pink colouring his cheeks slightly and I smiled a little.
“He wouldn’t call me master, but that’s essentially it.”
“Is he submissive though?” Lee asked and I smiled more.
“You’d be surprised how easily and readily the most dominant people around you publicly can and do switch to submissive roles. To take away the pressure they live with day in, day out... to give up the control they have, the list of reasons is endless.” We sat in silence for a minute, thoughts running around all our heads until I cleared my throat. “There’s also the matter of... Ian and I have never fucked. At all. We’ve never gone passed the odd little public kiss for the cameras.”
“Are you serious?” Stu asked, totally and utterly shocked, but Lee was smirking. “Fuck,” he muttered when I nodded. “I was so fucking sure you two were doing something.” I laughed at him.
“You made a bet with Lee? And bet against him?”
“They all did,” Lee’s grin was smug. “You two had gone... somewhere. We didn’t know where but we got talking and Jamie said he bet £10 that you two were fucking. I disagreed... so everyone was like ok, we’ll all put £50 up and if it turned out you were fucking, they’d get £50 from me, if you weren’t, I’d get £50 from them.”
“We were so sure of it,” Stu shook his head, wiping a hand over his face. “We said that if Lee won, we’d each give him £50.” I burst out laughing.
“You can buy me dinner with the £200 you just earned yourself, Lee,” he sipped his coffee, smirking, pocketing the £50 Stu handed over.
~
There was a knock at the door and I looked up at Jay, who was shrugging on his hoodie.
“You sure you’re good?” he asked me for the tenth time and I nodded, smiling. “I can stay if you want some help...”
“I’m good. He’ll behave, trust me.”
“It isn’t you I don’t trust...” I saw him shake his head and sigh. “Just... text if you need me ok? I’m only around at Matt’s place...”
“I know. Thanks... go have fun.” He gave me another look and nodded, turning to open the door.
“I know, ok?” I heard Ian sigh.
“You know nothing. Get in there and listen to every little thing he has to say to you.” The door closed and I waited for him to come into view. When he finally did, I noted that he looked as carefully maintained as ever, but I could see the slight lines, bloodshot eyes... he’d not been sleeping well it seemed. It was nothing I didn’t know already, Lee and Stu had told me earlier but to see it... I wondered just how much our friendship actually meant to Ian. I mean, it did mean a lot to me, the only reason I managed to stay away from him through all mode of communication during the last two weeks was because I was so angry at him. Maybe I meant more to him than I originally thought.
That was a conversation for another time though.
“Sit,” I said, nodding towards the sofa, my hands clasped together in front of my chin, elbows resting on the arms of the chair I was in. I watched him move slowly until he was sitting and tapped my clasped hands against my chin, silent and observing him closely. “I can’t imagine you’re very comfortable right now...” he shook his head, agreeing and I nodded. “You understand what you did, right?” he nodded. “I should just send you to a professional,” I muttered. “Keep myself out of it completely.”
“No,” Ian’s voice was quiet, but firm and I raised an eyebrow. He ducked his head, covering the action by rubbing at his eyes. “I... I don’t want anyone I don’t know or trust.”
“If you cross that line with me, our friendship will change.” He sighed.
“It already has.” We were silent for another long moment before I nodded.
“Ok. First of all, safe word and emergency action if you are unable to talk.” Ian stared at me, confused. “I’m not moving an inch until I get both. Now think hard.”
“I... Mercury.” I nodded and he licked his lips, frowning in thought and reached into his pocket, pulling out a bunch of keys. “I can keep a hold, drop them if it gets too much?”
“Good,” I said. “Now strip, fold your clothes up, put your socks with the clothes, your shoes in the hall.” His eyes widened while mine narrowed but he didn’t argue. He might have been a little hesitant, but he didn’t argue and within a few minutes, he was stood naked in my living room. I chose that moment to stand up and cross the distance between us, entering his personal space, barely leaving an inch between us. “Rings and necklaces on the table.” He followed the instruction quickly and moved back to his position in front of me. Without preamble, I reached out and grasped his dick at the base, hard and watched him flinch. “If you ever try anything like that on your own again, I’ll not only tear you to fucking shreds, but afterwards, I’ll walk away and the only contact you’ll have with me will be through the music. Understood?” I saw his eyes widen in a mixture of fear, surprise and horror as he realised that I was deadly serious.
“Yes,” he gasped. “Please,” he whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut and I let him go, cocking my head to the side.
“What?” I asked, curious, watching a blush work its way onto his cheeks.
“I’ll... I’ll do anything you want just,” his eyes opened and the raw feeling I saw there made my own eyes widen in shock. “You can’t leave me...”
“Hey,” I said softly, bringing my hand up to cup his cheek. “Calm down, ok? Take a deep breath and calm down.” I waited until he was breathing normally again.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, flushing and I shook my head.
“You ok now?” I asked. He nodded and I took my hand away, taking a step back. “Pick up your clothes, keys and phone and go up to my bedroom. Put the clothes and the phone on the dresser, keep the keys and kneel by the side of the bed facing it.” He gave me an uncertain look but quickly got moving when I raised an eyebrow. I waited until I heard my bedroom door open before taking a shuddering breath, running my hands over my face.
“Can you do this?” I turned around and stared at Lee, who was leaning against the door that led through to the kitchen where he’d been waiting.
“I shouldn’t be doing this,” I said honestly. “I’m way too emotionally involved,” I shook my head.
“But can you do this? For him?” he repeated.
“I can do it,” I assured him. “I need to do it... for both of us.”
“You know he-”
“Don’t,” I glared at him. “I need to keep my head clear for this. If I think about...” I shook my head again. “I can’t think about anything else, ok?”
“Ok,” Lee nodded carefully. “Do you want me to stay?”
“No, you’ll only want to come rushing in when he starts screaming.”
“Thought the aim was to make it so he can’t breathe... can’t breathe, can’t scream.”
“There’s a process,” I said. “Punishment first, what he wants later. No point giving him what he wants, and then punishing him. It doesn’t make sense and he’ll only get confused.”
“Alright then. I’m gonna nip into Matt’s for a while, talk to the guys before heading home. Just text if you need something... or need to know something.” I nodded and he left, closing the door as quietly as he possibly could. I grabbed a couple of bottles of water from the fridge in the kitchen before going up to the bedroom and finding him exactly where I told him to be.
“Did you hear?” I asked and he stiffened.
“Heard voices,” he admitted. I nodded, setting the bottles on the bedside table and sat down on the bed.
“Lee was here,” I saw his eyes flicker up, shock and confusion written all over his face. “If it wasn’t for him and Stu, you wouldn’t be here right now, Jay would be home and we’d be watching a movie or something. So next time you see them, thank them for convincing me to do this.” He nodded. I reached down to run my fingers over his cheeks. “Up,” when he was up, I pulled a cover from the bed, revealing a riding crop, a cane, a paddle and a flogger. I watched his face as he registered each item and saw fear spark, arousal following closely. His hands clenched into fists before relaxing again. “First of all, punishment. Stroke yourself hard.” He blushed heavily but nodded, biting his lip and taking his dick in hand, stroking firmly, teasing the head briefly and going back to the strokes until he was fully hard.
I waited for him to stop on his own and obediently, he stopped as soon as he felt he was hard. A stroke or two after I had. I pulled a length of black ribbon from my bedside drawer and gestured for him to stand in front of me. He moved and I made short work of binding his dick and balls, ignoring the whimpers he was emitting . When I was done, I let the two ends fall and leaned back on my elbows, looking up at him. “Pick one,” I gestured to the selection I’d uncovered. He licked his lips, looking at each of them closely.
“Which would you choose?” he asked and I smirked, keeping silent. He sighed, turning back to them and picking up the paddle. He slapped it a few times against the skin of his thigh, wincing a little before nodding and handing it to me.
“They always choose the paddle,” I chuckled. “It’s so unassuming.” He shot me a worried look but I was already covering up the other three again. “Brace yourself against the bedstead and spread your legs. The walls are soundproofed in here so feel free to make a bit of noise.” I got up and walked around behind him.
“Would you like me to count out loud?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” I answered, running the smooth side of the paddle against his arse, smiling at the shudder that worked through him at the touch.
The first hit was barely hard enough to sting, and he only started a little, more at the shock of it than anything else I guessed. But he started the count. The next four were quick, alternating between both cheeks. The count reached 10 and I ran my hand over the warmed flesh, gripping lightly and releasing.
“Tell me what you did wrong,” I said and he gasped, counting ‘eleven’ when I hit again. We reached 13 before he started talking.
“I tried to experiment – fourteen –” he gasped. “Fifteen! I tried to experiment with something I didn’t – sixteen! – understand completely.” I waited as he breathed hard, not quite panting. “I left my phone where I couldn’t reach it –seventeen! – ” he ground the number out between clenched teeth. That hit had been particularly hard, a 6 on my strength scale, where I’d only been hitting with 3’s and 4’s before. His comment had made me lash out. “I wrapped a belt – eighteen! – around my neck, tied the other end to the bed and –nineteen! – leaned forward until it pulled and started to restrict my breathing – Twenty! – Fuck!” he gasped. I noticed his arse was a lovely shade of red at that moment, and it had to be hurting.
“Had enough?” I asked and he shook his head desperately. “Carry on,” I turned the paddle over, running the flat surface over his abused cheek, smirking when he cried out.
“Oh God,” he moaned. “I...” I caught a flash of tongue as he licked his dry lips. “I did it all without telling-FUCK!” he shouted as I brought the rougher side of the paddle down at about a 7 on my scale.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Twenty-one,” he sobbed and I nodded. “Without telling anyone I was even interested in trying anything like that. Jesus- Twenty-two! I didn’t have anyone with me in case I blacked out – Twenty-three! – I risked my own life – Twenty-Four!! – And by association, I risked my band. –Twenty-Five!! – I failed to take into consideration anything but what I wanted to feel. – Twenty-Six Twenty-Seven Twenty-Eight Twenty-Nine! FuckFuckFUCK!” He cried out and I raised my arm for one last blow, ignoring the tears I felt running down my own face. I saw his shoulder shaking, a thin sheen of sweat glistening in the low light of the bedroom, his cheeks red raw, and brought it down one final time, maxing out at a 9 on my scale at what I thought was the highest he could handle.
He screamed out ‘Thirty’ and started openly sobbing, apologising over and over again. “Stay there. Move and I’ll give you twenty more,” I growled in his ear and left the room, making my way quickly to the bathroom and closing the door behind me. I pointedly didn’t look at myself in the mirror as I splashed water over my face. I stood with my back against the wash basin, a towel to my face for a full two minutes before I could bring myself to move. I glanced at myself in the mirror, scowling at the redness around my eyes.
Thank fuck for low lighting.
I walked back through to the bedroom, nodding when I saw he hadn’t moved at all but he was shaking like a leaf. “Kneel down,” I said quietly and he practically collapsed. I opened one of the bottles of water and handed it to him, only to take it away again when he couldn’t hold it steady. I brought it to his lips and tipped it so he could drink. He tipped his head back when he’d had enough and I took the water away, setting it back on the bedside table and picking up my own. His little germophobe hang-ups creeping up unconsciously. I took a long drink of mine and sat down by the bedstead, cross-legged and looked down at him.
“You scared the life outta me,” I confessed and he blinked blearily up at me, still shaking.
“Wh...” he tried to talk but I shook my head.
“When I walked in and saw you like that I...” I pushed the heels of my palms into my eyes in frustration – or desperation, I wasn’t sure. “I’ve heard so many horror stories floating about the scene... pets that haven’t been able to wait, so they try it themselves, people who get a taste and don’t know their own limits, thrill-seekers who want the danger, but are too embarrassed to ask anyone for help... they all get lost in the feeling. If done right, it can be the most intense feeling in the world, but you need to know your limits, and you need to be with someone you trust enough to know when you’ve gone too far. After hearing how people have died in the past, and seeing you like that... something just snapped,” he was staring up at me with wide eyes, his hair sticking to his forehead with sweat.
“I had,” he tried, licked his lips and started again. “I had no idea you felt so strongly about this kind of thing,” he admitted. “I mean, sure, I’ve heard you mouthing off in interviews, the guys joking around but I never thought you were actually that much into it all...”
“I guess I can see how you might think that,” I shrugged.
“I’m sorry it scared you,” he said, eyes downcast. He shifted and I glanced down, unable to stop the smirk that fell to my lips when I saw he was still as hard, if not harder than he’d been at the start.
“Would you like to come?” I asked, my expression schooled when he snapped his head up, slight desperation building.
“Please,” he whispered.
“Up,” I said, moving to stand up and transferring everything that was on the bed across the room and into the large chest just beneath the window. I turned back and saw him holding onto the bed for support with one hand. I pulled a silk scarf out of the chest before closing it and opening the scarf out to lay on the bed. “Lie down on this,” I instructed and watched as he made his way around and crawled onto the bed, whimpering when his arse came into contact with the cool fabric. I climbed up and straddles his chest fully clothed, shifting back until I felt the end of hid dick prodding my jeans. He winced at the pressure but didn’t look like he wanted me to move at all. “What is it exactly you wanted to try?” I asked. “The air deprivation,” I moved a hand to cover his mouth and pinch his nose at the same time. I left it there until he shifted his jaw, moving it away and smiling at the deep, panicked breaths he took. “Or the actual feeling of being choked, combined with the air deprivation?” I pressed my hand down against his throat, moving closer so I could hear when breathing had stopped completely.
Once again, I left the hand in place until I felt him twitch and eased up slowly and deliberately.
“The choking,” he rasped and I nodded.
“Lick your hand, it’s the only lube you’ll get that doesn’t come from your dick.” I watched him lick it thoroughly and wait for further instruction. “Do you need a diagram to illustrate how to wank?” I smirked and he flushed, moving his hand under my thigh and down towards his dick. I glanced back and saw him start stroking. “Keep going,” I said, reaching over into my drawer to pull out a pair of cuffs. I cuffed his free hand to the spindles in the bedposts and made sure he had his keys secure.
“If you come before I tell you to, you won’t come for a week, go it?” I asked and he nodded, biting his lip. I moved so I was sat beside him on the bed. “You pretty close?” he nodded again. “I guess we’ll have to play properly another time,” I noticed his shocked look before I looked down his body, watching his hand moving at a quick pace. I rested my right hand against his throat while my left reached down to tug at the ribbon that’d been left over. The knots I’d made fell away and he froze. I started applying pressure to his throat, unwinding the ribbon carefully. Once the ribbon was all gone, his breathing was cut off and I looked straight into his eyes. “Carry on,” I grinned, watching as he slowly started to move again, shuddering. “Countdown from ten,” I said. “Mouth the numbers, it’s fine.”
He gave me a confused look but complied.
10 – his hand started to build up pace.
9 – I saw drops of precome leaking from the tip of his dick, his hand capturing it, using it.
8 – I felt my own dick begging for attention but ignored it with practised ease.
7 – 6 – 5 – his eyes started to glaze, head shaking from side to side and tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
4 – 3 – 2 – I took a hold of his dick, pushing his hand out of the way and stroked him hard.
1 – “Come,” I whispered and released his neck watching as his back arched up off the bed, eyes squeeze shut, mouth open in silent scream and felt him pulse in my hand. The sticky liquid spurted over his guns and I decided right then that I’d never before seen a more beautiful sight in my entire fucking life. He sobbed and I stroked until he was a tangled, sticky mess of twitching muscles and smiled when the last drop barely made it out the hole. I rubbed my thumb over it and brought it to my lips, holding in a groan at the taste.
“Shit,” I muttered, letting my head drop to his thigh as I felt my own orgasm tear through me like a riptide. It took me by surprise and I clung to his leg for some sense of stability until I stopped shuddering.
“Did you just...” he croaked and I pinched his thigh.
“What happens in here, stays in here, got it?” he nodded, grinning.
“Fuck,” he breathed. I reached up to unlock the cuffs and his arm dropped down to rest on my thigh. “Thank you,” he blushed.
“This is just the beginning, love,” I grinned as he laughed breathlessly.
“I can’t fucking wait.”
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Date: 2010-09-18 09:47 pm (UTC)Anyway this was so hot. And the start was amusing< 3 *loves* And yes I can see Sean being all kinky and experienced
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Date: 2010-09-18 10:07 pm (UTC)*blinks* sorry! Got lost in my head for a second! Thanks for posting and thank you for liking it so much hah! *loves*
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Date: 2010-09-18 10:13 pm (UTC)You perv;) It's okii<333
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Date: 2010-09-18 10:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-18 11:03 pm (UTC):)
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Date: 2010-09-18 11:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-18 11:30 pm (UTC)My inbox is always open if you wanna talk :)
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Date: 2010-09-20 03:09 am (UTC)Hot and sweet at the same time.
Just love it <3
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Date: 2010-09-20 07:11 pm (UTC)<3
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Date: 2010-09-20 05:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-20 07:11 pm (UTC)<3
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Date: 2010-09-20 07:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-20 09:04 pm (UTC)Aww thank you for the compliment <3
:)